To my love far apart but close at heart,
I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. I love how we feel so effortless, yet I know I’ve never tried so hard with anyone before. Who knew that could be so fulfilling, but I just hope that it’s also enduring.
God knows, I don’t want to let you go.
It’s been a year since you broke up with me. The reasons you gave me didn’t feel like they should be reason enough to break up, but you did. You stayed with me while I cried, and you cried too. It was hard for both of us.
Now, a whole year after that, I’m still thinking of you. For a couple months I thought I was getting over it. But then it came back. Over and over again. I doubt you feel the same way, I have very little reason to think that you do. But you did always have a hard time telling me how you feel.
You are without exaggeration, the cutest person I have ever seen. The way you always had to look up to meet my eyes, the way you loved to tickle me just because it made me laugh, and I let you, because it made you laugh.
I’ve been thinking I should tell you how I feel. Maybe it would help relieve me of some of these feelings. But I’m not sure if I could handle it if you still don’t feel the same way. This way I feel like there’s a tiny point of light. A maybe. And I don’t want to lose that. But I think the darkness around the light isn’t really worth it. I’m just scared. I feel like I shouldn’t love you this much after all this. I should be moving on, and I’ve tried. I’ve gone on dates, and I’ve tried talking to other people. But it doesn’t take. It feels fine while I’m doing it, but afterwards, there you are.
Some of my friends think I’m obsessing over you. Maybe I am. But if I am, then that’s just what I’m doing. Right now, I don’t want to change how I feel. The feeling itself is positive and the time we had together were the best I’ve felt in many many years. But maybe the other feelings that come along with it right now aren’t worth it. The longing, the regret, the anxiety, the anger. All of it. But I’m not ready to let the good one go. I’m not. Why can’t I just let it go.
It’s because I really, really, fucking love you. I know, that if you want to give me another chance, I will cry tears of joy. But I don’t know what I’ll do if you don’t want to.
If I can’t see you in person, maybe I can see you in our dreams instead.
